She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
