thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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