I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
