I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
