4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
