is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
