david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So much rum. So many feels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
