Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
