dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
