I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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