I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't deserve a penis
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
