He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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