i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
