may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
