I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
