foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
