I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
