Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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