On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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