from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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