I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
