my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
