I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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