The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
