to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
