your parents love me but you hate me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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