this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The adults are the big ones right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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