Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
