Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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