I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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