tell your sister to shave her snatch
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
