I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish there were birth control emojis
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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