Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
