my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
