I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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