there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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