Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
