Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i drank out of a bidet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
