Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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