I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
