Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
FUCK WHALES
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
