Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
