OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
