dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
