My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
