Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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