A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
