I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
