Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
