just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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