Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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