I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
