just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
