i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
