I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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