my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
