Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
