I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
