If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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