you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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