Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
