I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
