i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
is it fun? or sober?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
