ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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