she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
