Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
