Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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