i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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