from now on my penis is your penis
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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