i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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