forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
