OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
