I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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