I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
