I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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