Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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