For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
