Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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